Loneliness

Well I’ll start this one off by commenting on the sound outside my window. It’s somewhere between the sounds of a cat screeching, and an old man wheezing for breath. It’s kind of a wheezing screech. It might be some kind of lizard, or bat or something, I’m not really sure. There are so many odd sounds here that I’m beginning to let them slide, and just deal with whatever happens, if it happens; “What do you mean there’s a cockroach as big as your hand flying around in the bathroom?” I also hope it’s outside of my window, and not actually in the house, as much of the wildlife here sees themselves as “the indoorsy type”, and graciously welcome themselves into our home without permission.

Right now I’m feeling kinda pissed off on the surface level, like I want to punch something (perhaps the wheeze-screecher outside my window?) and then on  a deeper level, the dull aching feeling of loneliness (sob, sob). It’s my birthday, and I had a pretty decent one, minus the lack of presents (my presence is presents enough?) and Mum and Dad called to congratulate me on diligently performing the art of MRS GREN for another year. Discussion points included the heat and bedbugs, of which I received a stern warning from Dad “they’re notoriously hard to get rid of. You need an exterminator” “Aaaaah, Dad, I don’t think they have those in Samoa…” It wasn’t of the highest quality as far as conversational material goes (singing the South Park theme song with your sister but exchanging "South Park" for "Samoa" doesn’t really cut it), however I was thoroughly enjoying myself, and was in the middle of chatting and brushing my teeth simultaneously, when the phone network went down. I stared indignantly down at my phone, chastening if for being so rude and disconnecting me ON MY BIRTHDAY. But deeper down than that, I felt the frustration of playing by someone else’s rules- being entirely at the mercy of the quality of the internet/phone network and being isolated when they’re not obliging when I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO MY FAMILY DAMMIT!

Aside from the constant barge of heat, insect bites (sooooo itchy!!!!), strange interactions with nature (there’s a mouse in the house/also my classroom, lizards falling off things onto Liz, lizards jumping out of cupboards on to me, a spider that guards the rubbish bin the bathroom, which I am scared of so consequently I have to throw my rubbish at the bin like a mental), we are starting to settle in to the place and find a routine. School starts tomorrow which I am both excited and nervous about. Excited because a) I have only 19 kids b)it will help give my days some structure and  c)I love teaching. Nervous because a) I have 19 kids that I don’t know that have gone through school together since they were 5 b) because I don’t want to screw it up c) because I just am, alright?

We went to the beach on the weekend, which was perfect, because the beach is perfect. I got very sunburnt which I am both ashamed and proud of, and accidentally referred to myself as a member of a collective group “I’m feeling really dizzy and cold. Sometimes 3^rd degree burns sufferers go into shock, Liz”, which is just embarrassing.

 The other day after school we walked up the road and down a gully to get to a natural waterfall. Prettiest local spot that will die off in dry season, so we are making the most of it for now.

Went to Zumba tonight with some of the most enormous ladies I have ever seen, still managed to be the reddest/out of breath one there. The main instructor kept asking me if I was alright, I think I will have to explain next time that it’s normal for Palangis to turn maroon when they exercise in 30 degree heat.  Judi, one of the older staff members of the school, confidently told me that I would “pick up the moves”. I am fairly sure I will never pick up the speed booty pop/crump move, but I felt pleased by her fierce determination that I would one day be part Samoan with my dance moves.

Anyway, still having trouble sleeping because of the heat/bugs. Last night there was a small earthquake just as I was drifting off, and in my sleep clouded head, I thought to myself “the boat must be moving”.

Gunna head to bed now and probably role play a number of scenarios for tomorrows meet and greet with the class (“Turn to the first page of your poetry text book. Now rip it out!” “Welcome to Potions class” “I’m Miss Honey”).

Xxxxxxxxxxx Ains

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